The Gospel of John

John was the hardest book so far for me, and by far my most favorite. There was so much I needed to wrestle through- who is Jesus really, if I were alive in Jesus' time would I have believed who he said he was, or would I have thought he was crazy like so many others. This answer, if I honestly thought about it, scared me and led me to question why I believe what I believe. It is because it's what I grew up with? Is my faith really my own? Prayerfully, I considered these questions and feel I got some answers. In Debi's lecture (our teacher for John), for chapter 13 she said, if you don't understand something, go back to what you know: God loves us; God is good; God is for us, not against us. What a relief this is! Seriously, praise God that no matter what I don't understand about him, he is good! So many times his response to people's questions or comments just don't make sense to me. I kept thinking- Jesus why the heck did you say that, it was such a good question?! From this point on I felt Jesus asking me, what I knew to be true about him... and to really allow that to influence the way I interpreted my charts. I also felt him telling me to dig in to the things I didn't understand. He didn't want me to interpret things that would be easy for me to work through, but things that I would have to chew on, and really seek him in understanding. I think this is why this is my favorite book, despite the fact that for the amount of hours I put into it I should have had three times as much work for it, God is so good! He showed me that I don't and can't fully understand him, but this pursuit, this journey I am on with him- that is what he delights in. And the same way that I may not understand everything in the Bible, I don't understand everything he is telling me now. But that doesn't change his character and it doesn't change the fact that I need to step out in faith in both of these areas.